There's a word for everything

pogonotrophy (po-guh-NAW-truh-fee) noun

The growing of a beard.

[From Greek pogon (beard) + -trophy (nourishment, growth).]

Pogonology is the study of beards and pogonotomy is a fancy word for shaving.

-Anu Garg (words at wordsmith.org)

"Mr. Davis fixed his gaze on the red beard [and said], "Professor Flowers,
I must congratulate you on a fine example of pogonotrophy.'"
Richard J. Weiss and Duane R. Chartier; Fakebusters II: Scientific
Detection of Fakery in Art and Philately; World Scientific Publishing
Company; 2004.

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Outsourcing nature

The development of more efficient, environment-friendly goods just might be a lesson in futility, at least when it comes to certain so-called white goods. When producing an environment-friendly product, a manufacturer should conduct a life-cycle assessment (LCA) to determine the environmental impact of the product from cradle-to-grave. For white goods, like refrigerators, clothes washers and dryers and air conditioners (the big 3), as you can probably imagine, the potential environmental impact is considerable. Social pressure and the Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) movement might push companies toward "greener" practices, and intensified media coverage of human influence on global climate change might encourage more consumers to actively seek out a more efficient fridge or maintain frugal A/C settings, the question still remains, "how buddy-buddy can a clothes dryer and a tree get?"

Maybe a better question is to ask the wind how it feels about us essentially outsourcing its job to a machine. My point is, no matter how efficient some items become, they won't be as environmentally friendly as that which nature has provided itself. But, try as we may, unless a product is actually beneficial to the environment, it is less "friendly" and more an opposing force than anything. When manufacturers conduct LCA analysis, they consider everything "from cradle", i.e. the extraction of raw materials from the ground, "to grave", i.e. the disassembly process or, more likely in most places, the landfill costs. All the while the wind blows and watches as we ignore one of its services, at no cost.

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Technology

Tuesday I got a new mobile phone and Thursday my new laptop arrived at work. Ooh, lots of new stuff!

I really liked my last mobile, but it didn't have much battery-life anymore and the vibration function had ceased working months ago. The new one I have now has all the new "bells and whistles", including an IC chip in the body of the phone that can be registered and used in lieu of a train pass on most lines in Tokyo. Not to mention that it has a music player, GPS navigator and one-seg TV, which means I can even record a program or a movie to watch on the 2.6 inch screen while on the train - the phone comes with courtesy headphones.

The second new machine in my life is the laptop at work, which was a long-time-coming. The last one slowed down to a snail's pace 2 or 3 weeks ago already, so that I was using two computers; one for mail and one for word processing and web access, constantly switching my LAN cable between the two machines and using USB memory back and forth. Now I have a new Dell Latitude (more bells and whistles) and spent an afternoon backing up my latest files and bookmarks, transferring everything over, setting up the mail client and network group, installing the printer drivers and 35(!) Windows updates. Now I just have to clear the info off the old computers and I should be all set to go.

I suppose getting new stuff requires a lot of time to set it all up and learn how it all works. These electronic devices used to be touted as time-saving machines, but now it is just becoming more and more obvious that they have nothing to do with time saving and more to do with introducing new capabilities and establishing higher quality-standards. I remember in India we all wrote our reports with pencil and paper (sometimes by candlelight even), not to mention letters home. That was ten years ago when dial up connections, telnet and then Netscape allowed for an amazing shift in communications. Ten years down the road and we are operating at 100 megabyte speeds. Even at the lower end of transmission speeds - anyone still counting in kilobytes - you might have to wait for a page to load, but this is a far cry from having to sign, seal and deliver a letter. I am certainly a tech convert, but I can appreciate how things have changed. For example, I was able to tap out this entire entry on my mobile phone using one hand (mostly my thumb actually) while standing on a crowded train!! ..ah, here's my stop (that was fast)! :)

The link between language learning and environmental management: going beyond lip service

I began to explore the discipline of environmental management several years ago, while working as an educator with Japanese high school students. I was lucky to be employed at a school with an advanced English education program, and was working with some of Japan’s brightest pupils who were already familiar with the concepts of globalization and environmental degradation. However, during many of our discussions, the most common solutions to environmental concerns proposed by the students were conserving energy by turning off lights and setting their air conditioners to a lower setting in the summer, or saving natural resources by walking or using a bicycle instead of an automobile. I was proud of the fact that they considered some of the personal actions they could take, however, something inside me told me it wasn’t enough. Solving environmental problems would take restructuring the way we do things to some extent, not merely limiting our options. Is there any real benefit of doing less bad? The first step is considering what is necessary and adjusting our consumption patterns accordingly, but ultimately more innovative steps would be necessary in order to reduce the amount of waste we produce, or the CO2 levels in the ozone. What mechanisms would be necessary to achieve the goal of creating a “sound material cycle society”, with the goal of zero-waste, as proposed by the Japanese government?


While I was teaching, I spent my weekends at my part-time job working at a hairdresser’s. A beauty salon is not necessarily a place one would consider environmentally friendly, yet its purpose is to make people look more beautiful. At the root of beauty is the element of health and well-being, and I began to ponder the question of what the result would be if people spent as much time trying to make the environment around them beautiful. Every weekend I watched the chemicals found in many hair products get washed down the drain, and soon began to investigate the use of labeling on the products which would tell me which chemicals might be avoided, or what packaging would be environmentally friendly. I discovered that the company Body Shop had just released new packaging for their cosmetics line at the time, and it was awarded for using a simple design, a homogeneous single-layer plastic for easy recycling, and replaceable fillers in cosmetic cases. I thought maybe it was the beginning of more environmentally designed products for personal care items; however without a high level of demand, product makers are unable to continue their efforts. Many of the people I spoke with continued to use what they were accustomed to, or the lowest cost product, with little concern for how it was made or how it would be disposed. People might invest in a fine pen with replaceable ink cartridges, but would they go to the trouble to investigate an environmentally friendly shampoo? Moreover, by what standards would one judge the environmental impact or the benefits of using such a product?


I searched beyond personal care products, looking at items that commonly carried environmental labels or product displays that signaled potential environmental benefits. In Europe, Germany’s Blue Angel label and the European label, the EU flower, seemed to enjoy a marginal portion of the market. Also, in Japan, there was a great variety of products that bore the Eco Mark, from copy paper to employee uniforms to agricultural mulch sheeting of recycled pulp. Eco-labels are a simple marketing device supported by consumer rights groups to inform the public about how they are spending their money. Without a readily identifiable marking, most consumers don’t have the time or the motivation to buy environmentally preferable products, especially if there is a cost mark-up. This begs the question of how consumption patterns could be altered so that environmental considerations are taken into account at the time of purchase; not just for our daily needs, but for our ‘wants’ as a modern society that currently depends on consumption for economic development.


As an educator in language, an important lesson is that you can teach a student about grammar, but they won’t speak until they practice. In other words, you can present the rules to the game, but results only come from action. When Japan enacted the Basic Environmental Law, it seemed to contain all the proper language, but legislation was taken a step further to include an Action Plan in 1995 which would later serve as the basis for the Green Purchasing Law in 2001. When those around you are taking action, it encourages each and every participant to join. With this in mind, Green Purchasing in Japan is reaching levels that have begun to raise awareness on a general level, from ministers in the central government, to public servants and citizens in towns and villages. Japan’s strategy for sustainable consumption using Green Purchasing deserves greater attention if societies hope to decouple consumption of resources and economic activity, particularly developing nations in Asia who will look to Japan for assistance and support, to ultimately achieve the goals of sustainable development.

No Windows

The town where my office is located is well known for two things. One is the largest unsolved bank heist of 300 million yen that ever took place in Japan over 30 years ago. The other is Toshiba's research factory. The two are actually related in the fact that the money stolen in the heist was reportedly the bonuses of factory employees.

An additional mystery, upon my arrival in Fuchu, was the building pictured below. It is a tall tower with Toshiba printed in large letters across the top and not a single window. What on earth could it be?! (Hint: think about all the things Toshiba manufactures. What could be tested in a structure such as this?)

value of money

I have a coin holder in my pocket that is worth more to me than the coins it holds. It's one of those molded plastic football-shaped cases that was a real hit way-back-when (in a way, it was the iPod of the 1950s). I've been using it for a long time and it has developed some war wounds (or, depending on how you see the glass, laugh lines), but it's also received plenty of comments and compliments. In Japan, a country that uses six different coins, a coin case is a must.

Countless convenience store clerks have asked, "Ooh, that's handy. Where did you get that?"
"This? Yes, it's very... convenient."
Dozens of grocery store check-out lane workers have checked it out, "Oh, can I see that case?"
"Well, I suppose that's what the check out lane is for," and I let them have a look.

In fact, it's so popular I've even thought I should import the things and sell them to everyone who comments on it. So, you might ask, how much is it worth?

Well, at the moment, mine has 34 yen in it (which is worth 29 cents), so maybe wash the coin grit out a bit, it's market value might rise to around 50 cents, give or take. Okay, maybe new it might be worth over a $1 even. But to tell you the truth, I'm not really interested in selling them. The one I have is worth a lot more to me.

My dear friend, Francis, gave it to me when she was about 88 years old. She had received it at a social gathering of Friends of the Elderly (which it has printed on it in black lettering), but gave it to me since she didn't go out shopping by herself anymore. To me, this is a perfect gift; I've had something to remind me of her daily for nearly 10 years because of it. Every time someone comments on it, I imagine Francis smiling over my shoulder.

I remember sitting together at the dining room table, where she'd often ask me if I wanted to eat the vegetables she didn't like from her Meals on Wheels home delivery lunches. Strangely, most kids don't like brassica oleracea a.k.a. the brussels sprout, and apparently neither did Francis - lucky for her my taste buds had developed a liking for them, especially when covered in butter. But I would sit with her, not for the free lunch handouts, but for the stories she would tell. Often times her audience was just me and the cat (although I'm pretty sure the cat was there for the free food). When she recounted some part of her life, her eyes would light up, and her smile would let you know when she was taking a few liberties with the facts, but she always made sure her audience heard a good story.

Every time I use that coin case - which is practically daily - I get a little more for my money. The people at the check-out counter don't know it, and the guy at the vegetable stand doesn't realize it, but for the cost of a few coins, I gain the extra value of memories. And as a result, the person at the register usually gets a customer who is now smiling rather warmly while he takes a few coins out of a small, orange, football-shaped rubber molded coin case.

"Ooh, that's a neat case. Where did you get it?"

"Oh this old thing? Yes, I quite like it. I got it from a very dear friend a long time ago."

credit cards

I made the mistake of reading this at work (on my lunch break). I think people were wondering why I was stifling laughter, but if you read through this account of a guy who challenged the security measure of signing for credit purchases, you'll understand.

http://www.zug.com/pranks/credit/

p.s. don't forget to read part II

http://www.zug.com/pranks/credit_card/

Maybe we should get a rabbit?

"Maybe we should get a rabbit," I said.
"How about a dog?" she asked.
"Dogs don't eat cabbage," I replied.

About a week ago, J and I went to our neighborhood vegetable stand (basically, they set up shop in a garage along the shopping street) and bought some odds and ends to make dinner over the next few days. The veggie stand always has good deals, sometimes selling avocados for a third of the supermarket price, or a dozen bananas for the equivalent of a dollar. That day I felt like getting something sweet for breakfast the next morning, so I picked out what looked like an oversized grapefruit from a pile of citrus fruit with a cardboard sign that said, "Mellow Gold: 230yen", (no relation to the album by Beck) which were apparently imported

from America,
"...so you have to buy it," one guy at the shop told me, "It's from your home country."
The thing was so massive you'd think it was imported from Texas rather than California, and it screamed either genetic meddling or citrus elephantiasis. It was like a big yellow softball for giants. But after some intense scrutinization, I chucked it into my basket along with our selection of tomatoes, onions and eggplant.

J was over in another section looking at the leafy vegetables, apparently embarr

assed by my episode with the gargantuan grapefruits. She pointed out the napa cabbage to a store clerk and asked for one, and he picked out the biggest head of cabbage I'd ever seen. It was about twice the size of the mellow gold even. But, what the heck; the thing cost less than a dollar, so we told 'em to bag it up, paid for our veggies and fruit and lugged it all home.

The next day, J talked with her parents on the phone and asked them if they ha

d some good ideas for napa (chinese) cabbage recipes. Her dad apparently knew a good recipe for sour cabbage and kikurage, a kind of mushroom that grows on tree trunks, also known as a "cloud ear". The next night we made cabbage and tofu with rice. And after that we had pork and cabbage stir fry. The week went on and so did the massive cabbage. It seemed like there was no end to its leafy sustenance in sight. I considered making a proposal to UNESCO to airlift these cabbages of infinite capacity to hungry, less-fortunate children in the world. The

week ended but the cabbage went on like a Celine Dion maxi-single, much longer than you could have imagined. The following Sunday, J called her parents again and endured some laughter and chiding over the fact that we were still eating that cabbage.

"Well, the good news is that the heart of the cabbage is very sweet," and then her mom told her a good spicy dressing recipe for a simple cabbage salad.
And so it was, over a week since we bought the thing, that we cut up the last of the cabbage. The salad was excellent, with the tang and spice of the dressing complimenting the sweet, white inner leaves chopped into thin shards, although I wasn't sure if the sweetness that complimented the dressing so well was the actual cabbage or just the sweet taste of victory.

"Hmm," I suddenly had an idea, "actually, rabbit does sound pretty good at this stage."

And with that, we left the dishes to soak in the sink and hopped off to the supermarket to get something we could sink our teeth into.

Idiot

I ran across this article last month and just had to post it! Although this guy is a (self-proclaimed) idiot, he's a talented idiot. :p

"Phillip Kerkhof says it was vodka that made him jump in the ocean and wrestle a 1.3m bronze whaler shark with his bare hands."



Read the whole story here:
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,,21240306-662,00.html

Part-time Cosmonaut

Today I made a discovery worthy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that there is no difference between the words "waitress" and "weightless" when rendered into Japanese.


"Would you like space cakes with your order?"

Sanitation in the Developed World

More computer problems. Do they ever cease?! It seems that the IT department at work detected a computer virus on our floor and asked everyone to back-up their files and scan their hard drives. I had cause for worry because it was only then that I realized the temporary PC I'd been using for the past week or so never had the security software re-installed. Luckily, the results after loading the proper programs were negative, but another person in our department found 24 corrupt files and had to "evacuate" her desk while a tech guy cleaned it up.

I suppose if one were to compare the problems of the advanced nations with those of developing status, this is the developed world's version of contaminated potable water or a breach in landfill sanitary safety standards; it's just that the office version is made up of virtual worms, network clashes, and the dreaded blue screen coup d'état.

Speaking of developing world sanitary issues, this whole virus ordeal managed to make quite a mess of a report I was working on for an African development project. This morning I received a 30-page report in Japanese about the poor aquifer quality in rural Senegal, south of The Gambia (remember Roots?), with a request to have it translated into English by Thursday. On top of that, I have been asked to e-mail what I finish each day so it can be forwarded to a translator in Dakar who will add all the necessary diacritics and ligatures and whatever else necessary to turn it into French!!
To finish in time, I need to complete 6 pages per day (taking graphs and tables into account) but, thanks to the interruptions today, and the simple fact that at the beginning of the day, I knew very little about Senegal (I mean, everyone knew about the recent elections, right?... right?!), not to mention "boreholes"! By quitting time, I had a grand total of... well, 2 pages. Ack!

So I hope things proceed a bit more smoothly tomorrow, especially since I've already been forewarned of another 30 page document marked for editing headed towards my inbox, also slated for a Thursday completion date. DOUBLE WHAMMY!
So in an ironic twist, the protection from E. coli in groundwater aquifers in West Africa could rest on the protection given by Norton AntiVirus software on my taskbar. And for goodness sake, I hope they are able to take their time sifting through the final results of this 4-day tri-lingual foray!

Happy Casimir Pulaski Day!

It doesn't matter if your Polish or Italian or African American. If you live in Illinois, you get to celebrate Casimir Pulaski Day on March 5th every year (since 1978)!

This little known holiday is one that Illinois and a few other places with considerable Polish populations (and Polish elected officials, to be exact) share. So have a kielbasa and maybe a perogi or two and be merry!!





More about Casimir Pulaski Day (link)

Close Encounters of the Chinese Kind

I recently had an experience that I'm sure astronomers could appreciate. Scientists that try to make contact with alien life forms must get excited at the prospect of developing intergalactic communications, but they must realize that without basic knowledge of any alien languages, they are up a creek when it comes to making themselves understood. Only if they're lucky will the aliens be able to understand re - mi - do - do - so, the pentatonic communication tactic developed back in 1977. Otherwise, I worry, it might end up sounding like a prank call with a lot of strange sounds and heavy breathing.

Alien: $%"#$"&%$ (Hello?)

Humans: Hello?

Alien: "#%" $%"@%$" .....#!$@!???? (Wow, we've made contact! Hello?)

Humans: Uhh... heh heh.. re - mi - do - do - so

Alien: `"%$#*&!!!'$"#!*`+"%#&!!! (Hey, what the... stop pressing the buttons on the phone!)

(followed by an extremely uncomfortable silence)

I've never spoken to an ALF or an E.T. personally, however, I have experienced the confusion that would ensue in the situation described above. It was February 17th, and across the Sea of Japan, China was ringing in the Year of the Pig on the lunar calendar.

Japan, on the other hand, has been celebrating New Year's according to the Western calendar since 1873, so it was just a regular Saturday night in Tokyo for the most part. Nonetheless, I had plans to celebrate a bit with Jing and her friend, who is also from China, by all going out to dinner, but this is nothing compared to the festivities in China. As the most important festival of the year, Chinese begin celebrating the night before by having a "reunion dinner" with friends and family, followed by seven days of dragon dances, eating dumplings and visiting distant relatives.

I never should have gone off on my own if I'd known what was going to happen, but I wanted to pick up a few things at the electronics store just a few minutes away from the restaurant we had decided on, so Jing and her friend went ahead to the restaurant to get a table. While I was at the electronics store, as you can imagine, I took a look at a few other gadgets and somewhat lost track of time. I glanced at my watch and decided I'd better hurry up to the restaurant since Jing and her friend must've been ready to order by that point. I was just about to line up at check-out when my cell phone began to ring.

Thinking it was Jing telling me to hurry up I took a quick look at the incoming call display and hit the answer button. It was actually in that split second between hitting the button and putting the phone up to my ear that I realized the call was not from Jing. It was a call from overseas, which usually means one of my parents or a friend overseas, but this was country code "44". 44...44?! The phone was to my ear by this point, and another flash second and the synapses in my brain told me it was the country code to China. No sooner did I realize this that I sputtered out one of the few words I know in Chinese, that to answer the phone - "wei" - and stepped into very unfamiliar territory. Oh crap, I thought to myself.

On the other end of the line I heard a woman's voice speaking in Chinese.

"Jing zai bu zai? Ta shang na er le? ...................."

To my ears it might as well have been a Venusian language. The only word I could make out was Jing, and I was pretty sure she was asking if Jing was with me. I tried to think of something I could reply, but nothing would come. Suddenly I remembered, "my name is..." so I tried that.

Wo shi Steve.

I listened intently to the reply, but I couldn't recognize anything. Ah! It must be Jing's mom calling to wish her a Happy New Year. A moment later I heard fireworks and jovial laughter, some people cheering, more fireworks. Still, none of the Chinese I'd studied over the past few months would surface. Except.. oh, yes, I could say:

Wo bu ming bai ni shuo shen ma!

Which, over the telephone, is entirely useless since it simply means, "I don't understand what you're saying" and if you don't say it just right, with all the proper tones, you won't be understood either. There was silence. Panic set in. re - mi - do - do - so??

I tried to think of how I might say I would be with Jing in five minutes and to call back then, but nothing came. How do I say "after"? uhhmm... I tried to remember how to count and I was pretty sure "five" sounded like the letter "r", so I uttered, "Arrr!" and then, as nothing else would come out of my mouth, "Uhhhh!". Double panic mode! Emphatically, I tried again, hoping some miracle would set Chinese out of my mouth, "Um.. R! Jing! R!" My God, I must sound like a crazy person, (especially since, little did I know, but I was saying, "two, Jing, two!" and badly at that). I thought about yelling out for help to the other customers in the store as one might do if there was an accident and someone needed a doctor, "Is there a Chinese speaker in the house?!?" but I stopped myself.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the phone, there were equal attempts at expression with long silences.

"Mei shi er, mei shi er. ...Na jiu zhe yang. Gua le ba..."

Two minutes must have passed. I thought of speaking in Japanese or English, but her mother wouldn't understand that any better. The only other words I could remember were "zai jian" (good bye), but I didn't want to be rude and just say that and hang up on her mother. If only I had known that she had just told me, "It's okay. Nothing important. It's okay to hang up." But that was lost on me. Ironically, her mom didn't want to be rude and just hang up either, so there we were: two confused aliens staring into thin air and holding what at that point seemed like extremely ineffective devises for communication.

More fireworks exploded somewhere and another minute must have passed. Finally Jing's mom said something I recognized. Mixed in with a collage of Chinese, I recognized a distinct "Bai bai". Ah, "bye bye", it had to be! It was like a hunch a police detective gets and just goes with. I didn't have time to doubt it, I simply had to pass the rubicon (wink wink) and take the opportunity, so I hollered zai jian!! A moment later, the call was over.

I was in a sweat. What had just happened?!? Where was I? Blinking a few times, I found myself back on earth in the electronics store, standing in front of extension cords near the check out counter.

Happy New Year!!

Link: learn more about the Lunar calendar new year

PC blues

Computers: can't work with 'em, can't work without 'em

At some point last Thursday, my computer at work developed serious sloth-like behavior. For every new operation, it seemed as if my computer was pulled over for drunk driving and deemed unable to walk a straight line. My clicks and input were met with complete non-sequitur.

After saving the documents on a CD and defraging the C drive, there was no change. I tried a few other things but none of it seemed to work so I brought the matter up with my section manager. As it turns out, the computer has been on lease for 4 years and gone through at least a few users in that time. It also turns out that the lease was up a few months ago.
So I filed for a new lease, which they estimate will take 2 weeks, and in the meantime I'm using 2 laptops; a new one for creating and editing files on MS Office, and the old one to check my company mail account.

It seems I can't do my job without a computer, but now the computer has become an obstacle to get my work done. Ah, my estranged companion.