Letter to the Editor of any Fashion Magazine

Pardon me if I sound trite, but I have a fashion beef with anyone who is past puberty and can't do up their necktie properly. I recognize that there are various styles and ways to knot a tie: windsor, half and full; four-in-hand; the shelby knot, etc., and there are any number of patterns or widths that come in and out of style, but there are some things that cross the boundary of proper jugular accessory rules.

I'll admit to committing plenty of fashion faux pas over the years myself, so my concern is more one of compassion than anything. I feel terrible when I see someone with a coffee stain on their tie, or when someone has tried to iron it. But, the worst is "the shortchange", when someone has obviously shortchanged themselves in the length department. Every now and then I discover someone who has overcompensated the girth of their knot (probably a rookie windsor convert) in sacrifice of their tie's arrival anywhere even remotely near their belt buckle. They'll try to keep their suit jacket fastened shut to conceal their shortcomings but it is as obvious as a tri-colored toupee to me.



On the other end of the spectrum you have "the swinging crotch cover" created by the man who doesn't seem to understand that the necktie was not intended to be tucked into his pocket with his car keys. Not to mention the chances skyrocket that he will pee on his tie if out drinking at the pub after work (how many alleged "oops, spilled my beer" claims have you felt compelled to believe?).




And then there's my personal favorite: The Dilbert Tie :)